Enterprise of Iblis

Entry From the Journal of one "Ahriman" also know as "Iblis " formerly "Pandora"

why did he leave this on the table?

March 6th 2011,

After the Mysteriums ransacking of my mind last night and their orders to return all items by midnight tonight, including my notes and journals, I find myself once more having to began a journal again, this time for no other reason than I feel ready to explode.

Its devastating to now realize that not only did I spend incalculable hours of my life from the moment of my awakening to now vainly plotting, planning, sacrificing and climbing the Mysterium for no other reason than to find a box that may not have existed, but also that I end my time as such with little more to show for it than an Addiction to Vampire blood and the ruins of a life wasted. I bought into the Lie again and again, struggled to find something that was no more than a shimmering mirage in the vast desert of my Awakening, and listened to a will that was not my own. I am disgusted by my actions but also horrified at my ending.

I have lost 10 years of my life in what amounts to a week. I watched as the Mysterium took my box, all I owned in the Magical world, and catalogued tagged and stored them away in their vaults, to no doubt be read, reread, and thrice copied for study. That much I can still remember about their ways. I could feel the last visage of pride and the last little bit of hope for a pardon from my fellow mystagogues fade. Though to be honest I might have expected this last night when they asked me to drop my defences so they could remove the memories. I even now grasp at straws to remember the Thesis, though I know its in vain.

I was told, rather bluntly, that I was going to have to show my wisdom had not been tainted due to this turn of events. I was not only a new My Mage in the Consilii but I also had an unfortunate track record over the last few months. AS far as they are concerned if I want to get back into their midst I must earn it. I am told I will be contacted with my first job after a 3 month probationary period in which I will be closely observed.

To be honest I am not sure I WANT to return. Everything is spinning far too fast. I have just realized my entire awakening, hell my entire life has been controlled by that THING. I chose my old path because I felt it right, my path, where I needed to be, but I now feel even that was a hasty decision. Could I have been better on the other paths ?

Not that that matters now. I have chosen, I have turned onto this path and taken the name of the one whom I seek to Emulate. Its appropriate I guess. I named myself after Ahriman, though I dare not take the name on out loud, choosing instead to take the well know form from the Muslim traditions, one full of pride. A shadow Shadow name if you will. It fits, and since few of the Cabal, nor many I would think in the consilli would know the story behind the two names I feel Its better they don’t understand and rather think of me playing to stereotype. I will tell my new cabal mates, whom ever they may be, when I am ready.

Now though I must ponder if I want to be in the Mysterium, if I really believe in what they are and what they do. I need to find my own path and that means thinking, learning, considering until I know whats right. I have been given a new beginning, and I will not waste it.

Comments

Pandorashope

I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.